We found out on June 4th that we will be having a little girl join our family! The ultrasounds still seem shocking to me and hard to fathom. I joked with Tim about how, "He was right!". He knew from the beginning that you were a little girl. At first I thought boy, but by the day of the ultrasound I felt pretty indifferent about it. As long as you are healthy and "normal" that is all that is important to me. Everything did look normal and we are both so thankful for that blessing.
It seems selfish in a way to want a completely normal child. There are so many out there that do not get that for their children. I was included in this group, so maybe that is part of the reason I would feel so blessed to have a normal child. After I was born it was discovered I had a tumor in the roof of my mouth that was inhibiting my ability to eat. This tumor was removed, then impacted my inner ears and hearing. I had a series of operations throughout my childhood at Riley's Children Hospital to repair different problems and hopefully improve my hearing. In the third grade I even was fitted for a large hearing aid. Since my inner ear was slightly larger than average I could not use the tiny newer aids, but a larger traditional over the ear aid. Looking back, it really wasn't that big of a deal, but when you are in elementary school it can be embarrassing to be "different". I hated wearing it and eventually phased out using it. I also cannot get into water without having plugs in my ears. Eventually I figured out how to take showers without having them in, but I still need them for swimming. If I am submerged in water without them I get severe pain and it leads to a infection. Swimming in high school was a major pain at times and usually included ear infections throughout the season. All in all though I tried to not let it hold me back whenever possible.
Ironically enough the last few times my hearing has been tested it has been improving. My left ear is still not really normal, but it is much better than before. I have also adapted ways to get around my hearing in most situations. I always make sure my right ear is closer to someone speaking, watching a movie, on the phone, etc. By now it has become second nature to do these things. Even Tim helps most of the time realizing where it is better for me to be hearing wise. These health challenges in the end have made me appreciate what I do have and feeling blessed for what is "normal". Even having my thyroid completely removed at 22 from cancerous cells I still tried to remind myself it could always be worse and there was a reason it was ment to happen to me. Dealing with that led me down the path of having a Therapy Dog to visit hospital patients. I hope I can make a difference and help brighten others day even if for only a few minutes.
So even though dealing with this didn't hold me back, I still wouldn't wish it upon someone else. I would love for our child to have a normal childhood and life as much as possible. Maybe I shouldn't even hope for that because I know having a child period is such a blessing. We will always love you completely the same no matter what comes our way. I want the best for you in life and hope you can have your own "normal" whatever that may be. <3
Love you Riley
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